If you know me, you know I despise reading. Whether that is for school, or in my leisure time, I don’t do it often. However, when I do, it must be a good read, and I most likely will finish the book in three days. Oh, and expect me to talk your ears off until you finally cave in to buying the book yourself! Well, that’s what I am kind of about to do now? There is a book that I read this past summer, and it left a greater impression on me then any other human being I have met in my 21 years of life. I know, what a statement, but to be fair, this author had a way with her words. The book was called You are a Badass. Yes, I may or may not have picked up that book because it had the word badass on the cover, but I actually also picked it up for a more genuine reason. At that time, I was truly going through a lot in my life; I was trying to build my strength back up from a rough three years suffering depression and an attempted suicide. At the bottom of the cover, it coined that this book would help you to learn “how to stop doubting your greatness and start living an awesome life.” I mean, who doesn’t want to live an awesome life, right? I sure as hell was tired of feeling self-pity and living under this dark cloud. Besides it was summer, and I needed to go outside and enjoy the sunlight. So, why not have this book while I tanned outside every day? This book, believe it or not, aided the restoration of my mental health, and to that I owe my self-discovery.
The path to stabilizing my mental health has not been easy; it took exactly two years. If it wasn’t for this book it probably would’ve been longer. Jen Sincero, the author of the book, and someone I consider to be my therapist, because to be fair, she was better than any of the therapists I went to, really shined light on how to really be there for yourself. She touched based on how to identify and change self-sabotaging beliefs and behaviors that stop you from getting what you want, and how to create a life YOU totally love (and to stop procrastinating and do it already). At the time I didn’t know I needed it , but I needed someone to be like “HEY YOU’RE A BADASS, AND CAPABLE OF SO MUCH; PICK YOUR HEAD UP AND GO AFTER ALL YOUR FUCKING DESIRES!” Her voice lit a fire in me that I didn’t know I had. I was cutting myself short of something I deserved, and that was happiness. There was a chapter in her book that spoke volumes about just going for it. It was about how she took a spontaneous trip to India. She booked a one way ticket and went into the situation blindly. She made new connections with people, learned about a new culture, and found herself along the way. It was inspiring, and at the end she listed some key points from the chapter:
Expect, and enjoy, the unexpected.
Find the humor.
Live in the moment.
Time spent enjoying yourself is never time wasted.
Loosen your bone, Wilma.
I sat there looking at that last bullet point, and thought “shit… I’m Wilma, and I need to loosen my bone!” I wanted to find myself again, and time was just passing me by. So if that took traveling to unfamiliar places, so be it. After that, I was set about going abroad somewhere, and when the opportunity presented itself, I was going no matter how many people told me it was nonsense that taking a trip somewhere would solve all my problems. Believe me, I know life doesn’t work that way, but after reading that book, I knew that doing stuff you want to do and stuff that benefits your happiness, will bring you closer to self-enlightenment. That’s when the chance to go to London presented itself, and I had no hesitation to go.
Going to London was a liberating experience, I still can’t believe I was able to go there. Just like Jen said, I needed to expect, and enjoy, the unexpected. I did not know much about London, just that they drive on the left side of the road, and I had no friends coming along with me on this trip. To some, that is too much vulnerability, but I can’t stress this enough, you need to put yourself in situations like that more often. By the end of this trip, I learned so much about the London culture, made a new friend, and finally made it to self-enlightenment. When you’re put in situations like these, you have no other choice but to just put yourself out there and fully immerge into the present.
The Londoner’s alone taught me a lot. They are unapologetically themselves, something that I respected so much, and aspire to be from here on out. From their fashion senses to their personalities, they simply don’t give a fuck. You had people explaining to you on the Tube how messed up their government was and about their political beliefs without a care in the world. I remember some guy openly expressing how he just “wished the Queen would just die already.” He knew he was speaking loud when he said it, and believe me he did not care. A topic like that in America that is so sensitive to discuss in public, happens to be a typical conversation over a cup of coffee here. Which really brought to my attention, I should just talk openly about more things, as I or someone else can gain something from the conversation. Maybe not so much about wishing death upon someone, but I am sure you understand what I am trying to get at.
A moment so simple, caused butterfly effect on something else. The night following that day, I remember being in the room with my roommate. At the time she was going through some personal things. She had somewhat told me about what was going on but not entirely. I knew that was because we weren’t friends like that. Something told me however, that I just needed to get whatever was bothering her out, and have her talk about it as I knew it was hurting her. In some way, I knew I could help her. I was surprisingly right for once. We talked for an hour or so, I relayed to her my struggle with depression everything that followed up until now. She expressed to me her personal struggles as well. We laughed and we cried, but we learned so much about each other that night. We are very similar, which was unreal…something I would’ve never found out if I didn’t just start asking her about her life! Doing such a simple gesture, lead to me gaining a new connection with someone; she is a dear friend to me now. She told me something that I will never forget however: although what I went through was hard, my story has a purpose; to help people who seem like they can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. She was a right, and that’s when everything about this trip came full circle and I found my self-enlightenment like Jen did.
When people come back home from a trip, they tend to show you pictures, or a souvenir they got. But what I brought back home from London is worth more than that; knowledge about life itself. I hope one day you can have an experience like I did; it will truly change your perspective about the world and yourself. Life as we know it (well for the most part some of us) is very short. It is gut wrenching sometimes, that I myself wanted to cut it short. There is so much the world has to offer, and none of it being materialistic. It is solely here to give us experiences and connections. Again not many will ever figure this out until they have had a life changing moment, in my case it was pretty extreme. In Jen’s case, loss of her job, or even you could go through a breakup. Traveling, and doing new things, and connecting with new people is important to our self development as it makes you realize there is more to just your being. You have more to offer to someone, as someone has things to offer you, and visiting that third world country is going to teach you more than any textbook ever has from school. That is simply being appreciative of being alive and present in the moment you are in. Remember, you will never be as young as you are in the current moment, nor will you get those moments back. Be aware of them, the places, the people, and the feelings you feel.
Thank you, London.
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